Feeling a Bit Claustrophobic? The Winter Blues Are Not Terminal

It’s mid-winter again. Outside it’s gray, overcast, snowy and icy. The beauty of winter’s icy sparkle may now seem muted as feelings of isolation and boredom set in. The thrill of sledding has worn off and kids who, weeks ago, slid eagerly like penguins in the snow, need to be prodded to go out to get some fresh air. Longing for the warmth of the summer sun and the vitamin D it provides, some people fall prey to depression. When mid-winter chills our zeal, we become more aware of the need for people and connection. In the fall, academics command our energy and zeal, but with winter, fellowship, group activities and idea sharing can shine light on bleak days. 

After the holiday season, a personal mission of mine is to recapture a sense of organization and do some revisionary work on our schedule. A new year means new beginnings. If you’ve let the order in your home slide through the fall, a week or two of cleaning and purging can shine light where piles previously persecuted you. Have the kids been helping enough? If not, revive hope by establishing a system with clear expectations and set consequences. A card file system works well for us. Take a fresh and prayerful look at what’s necessary, or lacking, in your academic schedule. Is there excess baggage or neglected areas in your learning day? Perhaps some re-purposing is in order there too.  What do you really want to accomplish that you are not? Analyze progress in character and academics then create hope with a plan to implement change.

Fresh ideas can be like sunshine in the depth of winter. Get out a bowl and give those kids some squares of paper. Send them hunting for ideas. Is there a place or thing they’d love to know more about? Encyclopedias are full of unexplored topics. For a change of pace, a biography can serve as literature, narration and writing, history and geography. The internet is full of resources that can take you across the world to places, or to other teachers with ideas to share. Find a way to accomplish your goals that may be more fun that what you’re doing now. Whatever you choose, pick something that the whole bunch will find something of interest in. 

After the cleaning and re-organizing is done, what next? There is no substitute for the fellowship of others.  A few years ago we felt the darkness of winter isolation shading our enthusiasm. Is there a place you can schedule a weekly, or bi-weekly outing?  Our church had a gym and fellowship hall that wasn’t used during the day. I reserved the space and advertised a day for homeschoolers to come for free play in the gym, board games and mom-time.  It is now a popular place for regular friends to meet and new homeschoolers to connect, share ideas and find direction.  It was easy and rewarding. 

Friendship doesn’t have to involve something large or labor intensive, but finding others who are like minded to support you can change your homeschooling worldview.  No matter how you feel, someone else has been there and can take your hand through the struggle. Online groups are helpful if you need a quick answer to a question, but keep looking locally until you find a group of families with similar age kids to share life with. The homeschool community is a wonderful blessing, but you won’t find it sitting inside your house waiting for it to show up. Find a large co-op and advertise a club or group that would interest your own children. Blessings await you when you do. Securing friendship for yourself and your kids alleviates the agony of loneliness. It is in giving that we receive the most. If you have a talent to share or a skill, offer a class in that.  Swapping our talents is a fun way to give what we do well and receive what we don’t. 

While reading the last four paragraphs, it is likely that winter has remained. Go do a snow check if you must. We still have 12 inches on the ground here in Indiana. My writing students would see getting to the last paragraph as the light at the end of the tunnel.  In life, we often must find the light ourselves, taking steps in a direction we haven’t gone before.  God multiplies the gifts we give; it is likely that a solution you create will be a solution for someone else at the same time. The choice to homeschool brings enduring rewards, but as we stand on the mountain of the present, low-lying clouds can block our view. Endure friend. The sun will shine again! 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

   -Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken”

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What do you want for your children as they grow into adulthood? When you envision them in the future how do you see them? As a Christian homeshooling family, the vision we have for our children's future affects everything we do, every book we read, what we choose to learn, every show we watch and every decision we make about how to spend our time.

A year ago, after I had spent time in prayer seeking what God wanted for my oldest son, I wrote this letter to him. He's 10 now and nearing the time when he may be ready to read it. Here is my faith prayer for my son. (I omitted the name so you could more easily envision your own child as you read it.)

My Dear Son,

As you develop into the person God created you to be, I pray you would open your heart to God's leading in every moment, that your will and your attitudes would be in submission to the LORD. As we learn together daily about the way God has directed life on our earth and every movement of every atom, may you know his plan for you is more than you can ever imagine it to be. It's bigger than the biggest idea you've ever had. Your talents have more potential than you will ever use, because we are so limited by our own lack of vision and true faith.

Now I see you serving God each day in your heart, but stumbling over small things as you get to know yourself. You were fearfully and wonderfully made, Son. There is no mistake in any part of your creation. As we spend each day together I hope to help you find out how to maximize your potential to do great things for God.

Through prayer, I hope you will quiet yourself to listen, and not always be talking.

Through solitude, I hope you will find a place to calm your soul and your
emotions.

Through scripture, you will fill yourself with the knowledge of what God has done and what he will do and with the passion God has placed inside you.  You will fill the world with joy and ignite a vision for what God can do in the lives of others.

Through serving others, you will be the hands and feet of Christ and know the greatest fulfillment, more than any gadget or toy can bring. I know you know that already, for I've seen you sacrifice something easily when you learn it will not please God or help you become closer to him.

When you face trials, you'll remember the struggles we shared daily and our talks about how just putting a foot forward and taking a step in faith will change every circumstance and help you bring your thoughts back into the obedience of Christ.

Prayer should be a continuous conversation with God. With your every thought, may you walk side-by-side with Him through His spirit. Spend your every moment in continuous conversation with God and you will always hear his voice. When you face the trials that will perfect your faith, face them on your knees with his Word in front of you. Don't let Satan's lies cloud who you really are. Believe in what God will do through you, even when you have tears blinding you.

God gave you to me for a short while. My job was to guide you and love you. To show you that an imperfect mom can love you a lot, but not nearly as much as the one who planned every atom of your being and every desire of your heart. Every day you grow and move closer to God as your guide and further from me.

What will you be like as an adult? I pray you will know who God created you to be so that your gifts will be a blessing to the world. Whatever you do, may you always know that loving people is important over all other things. Money is a blessing and a responsibility. If you strive for it, don't do it out of a lust for things, but out of a lust to give it away. God says we are to enjoy life, but the greatest joy is in seeing people connect with God and find their place with him. You will be able to show them that steadfast faith. Your faith will overcome the thorn you struggle with, because God is able to do all things and you'll believe that.

Love, Your Mom
*********************

You are welcome to adopt my prayer for my child for your own child. I encourage you to pray for wisdom to recognize the unique passions and gifts God has put into your child, for they are the key to seeing what he or she may become. As you come to better understand your child's unique personality and gifts, you can direct him or her in how to use them to bless the world and write them their own prayer letter. This letter is to my oldest. This would not be the same letter I'd write to my other children, who have their own unique passions and abilities. They each bring their own unique joy to my life and I love them all.

McCain or Obama to Address Homeschooling?

Hello ?? Is anybody listening? Is Mike Huckabee the last person in this election to mention homeschooling rights? I've checked with the official websites, with the blogs and heard the speeches, but nowhere do I find reassurance that we can count on either one of these candidates to respect the rights of parents to homeschool their children.

I've emailed John McCain and will next email Mr. Obama. A fellow blogger "spunkyhomeschool" wondered with me. Where is our representation? Perhaps they don't want to add one more issue to an already crowded debate, but I can't pity them for that. How many homeschoolers would it take to have an affect on an election? It is not easy to count the number of homeschooling families in America. The Institute for Educational Sciences estimated there were 1.1 million children homeschooled in 2003, five years ago. The numbers grow continually as parents' choices of curriculum and options increase and their wariness of public, institutional indoctrination in our schools grows stronger. Could that change the outcome of an election? Perhaps the popular vote.. I remember a close call in the last election. Can you say "recount"?

Comments welcome and information would be appreciated. Leave me a link if you find an answer. Who will be the first to commit to voting for homeschooling in America, McCain or Obama?

Update: 10/22/08

Here's an article telling what an Obama education looks like. The title of the article "Homeschooling Will Explode Under Obama" simply meant that if this is what education looks like under Obama, homeschooling will greatly increase. Connect to the article to see what a "social justice school" is and more interesting views on education mixed with social issues.

Homeschool with Confidence: The Yearly Vision

Throughout an ordinary day, there are many conversations you will have with your child. Some familiar ones may be,

"Is your math finished?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Has your room been cleaned up?"
"Yes, Dad."
"How was your day?"
"Good."

Once in a while, you might want to have an actual brain-interfacing, life-connecting, probing conversation with your child. If that dear child attends school out of your home, you probably face a weary person at the end of the day who just wants to be in control of their time when they get home. All the way home they were probably thinking, "Wow! I can't wait to sit down and have a deep conversation with my Mom or Dad about my character and academic development." Fear not, a listening parent can find opportunities to work in great conversation. Sadly, those moments may not be as often as you desire and for some kids and parents, rare.

The blessing is that we, as homeschoolers, have a little more room to take advantage of these opportunities since we can spend more time interacting with our children. You have the opportunity to initiate fascinating conversations on any subject under the sun -- and you have ALL DAY to do it! The conversation above is still a part of the daily accountability lesson and uses some of our valuable energy, but keep the blessings in mind as all the talking and reading sends you to the secret stash of chocolate chips in the pantry. Let's face it, everyday life is distracting, busy and tiring. It often keeps us from slowing down, listening and parenting with purpose -- in an intentional way.

If you are a homeschooler your kids may be facing a very weary mom at the end of the day. If you don't have great confidence in the plan you've chosen for the year or the day wasn't filled with all the inspiration you'd expected the night before, you may also feel a bit hopeless at the end of the day and perhaps defeated. This has certainly happened to me, but prayer and vision for my kids has put new light on our direction as a family and for me as a leader. I say leader, not just because I'm still the tallest one home all day, but because I have the potential to make change and direct with wisdom, love and of course, complete control at ALL times (don't be defeated at that bit of sarcasm).

To keep myself on a confident path, once each year I spend one to two months revisiting the way I'm leading my kids. It takes that long (or longer). I really believe that only through observing your children, reflecting, praying and waiting can I know how to go on with their education and mentoring. If you haven't found a way to work through your visionary roadblocks, you may want to get out your planner and dedicate some time (alone time is ultimate of course) to a visionary beginning. It can be a few minutes in prayer each night, or a weekend away at a quiet inn. Telling your husband that you need a visionary weekend to assess the success of your efforts and plan for your children's lives is always a good way to get that needed alone time! How could anyone say no to that? When I've found my quiet place, I write down and pray about are:

• How has each child changed or grown over the past year?
• What are their strengths and weaknesses in their academic life?
• What are their spiritual strengths and weaknesses?
• What gifts do I see emerging?
• What is their attitude toward learning, toward faith and life as a whole?
• What have we done that has encouraged them in any area?

What did we let "fall of the map" and are their consequences associated with that?
This is your chance to know that your choices were made for a reason. When chaos strikes, you can "refer to your notes" with confidence that at one time, on one day, you really did seek the Master's plan for how you are living this day, today. I spend time praying for insight about my children, about what the Master has created them for. I pray He would show me what their lives might look like if they used their unique gifts to His full advantage. The Bible says that "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This tells us that we are created in Christ, he is a full part of who we are now. Your child is not only your child, but Christ living inside your child. How do you lead that? It is a humbling experience. Fortunately, God gives us some tools to communicate with him on how this can be done. We have the Bible to give us great guidelines, but also our senses and prayer to personalize our parenting for each child.

A proverb says "Train up a child in the way that he should go," but there is more to that than teaching them the 10 Commandments, right from wrong and even who their Savior is. It requires probing their heart, entering their mind and exploring their passions! God gave them those things. He is the master with the artists brush! He "equipped them for every good work" and according to Paul's letter to the Ephesians, God prepared us in advance for those works. What your children need to be God's best is already inside of them.

What is "God's best" for your child? That can be an overwhelming task to figure out. Do we want them to be the best in math? -- It wouldn't hurt. Do we want them to be spelling masters? -- My husband has been highly successful without that skill. Perhaps you want your child to be in ministry. Notice a common thread here? "Do we want...." Sometimes we rely on too much human wisdom and knowledge in the choices we make for our children. Have you ever read a great book, but felt left out of certain details that just leave you wondering? The author is only source for those answers. As humans, the author of our being, of each purposefully created soul, is the only one with the answers for the guidance you seek.

So, after the list has been made and the praying has been done, the listening begins. Facing our jobs in an honest way is what makes all great leaders. As parents, we hold the future in our hands and daily wipe the melted chocolate chips, jelly and peanut butter off of "it". With a listening spirit and an intuitive heart you can effectively change the direction of the life of your child. You are now ready to made decisions for your child and can:
Choose a school or curriculum that fits their unique being.
Encourage and provide opportunities for them in their areas of giftedness and passion.
Help them understand their weaknesses and how to work around them.
Provide the level of structure necessary for them to work efficiently to their maximum potential.
The great benefit of parenting this way is that you will find more peace and confidence in your decisions. You will find you are less swayed by the opinions of others because that "page of wisdom" shows you who your child is and is becoming.

A few books that have had an influence in growing my understanding and passion for parenting in this manner have been:
Revolutionary Parenting by George Barna
The Treasure Inside Your Child by Pamela Farrell
A Biblical Home Education by Ruth Beechik

The Chunky Bible Study Method

How many of you thrive on memory work every day? Well, let me encourage you to try a method that not only gives you and your kids insight into a verse of scripture every day, but teaches them to dwell on scripture, sucking the life out of it until it reveals itself in its utter fullness until it becomes a part of your whole being. (No, I'm not kidding.)

Many of us have tried weekly Bible verses or a passage a day. This is a great way to familiarize yourself with a large random sampling of what God has spoken through his word. Let's broaden our goals a bit and look at it not as memory work but as as life-changing experience that you can include in the beginning of every day, very simply with only a few minutes of effort. Now, I'm going to warn you that it will be hard not to TALK about these verses and to refer back to them, and you may even choose to use them as your copy work, perhaps reinforcing spelling or English grammar. What I'm suggesting is that you choose a larger chunk of scripture, say John 1:1-18, and read it daily, aloud, together - for a month. Now, don't panic that your kids are only going to learn a limited section of scripture and that they're not covering enough. Focus ladies! Focus! The GOAL is to teach your children to read, absorb and allow God's word to become part of them. If you feel the need to stop and discuss what you've discovered about God from one particular line that day, you have my permission to stop and do that after you've read it all. Together, as you meditate daily on what you read, God will continue to reveal what He's talking about here. Now, you may be one of those "quick" moms who think you can get it in a week, but let it be said, that the Holy Spirit has a special love for perseverance and for a heart that longs to suck the full meaning, the global context, the BIG PICTURE out of that section, and the reward will be an insight you may never have had nor ever would have had if you didn't read that SAME section for one month.

In light of my background and education in marketing, I know that gaining loyalty to a new method or practice requires fighting all the other things you are now doing for your precious and valuable time, especially since I'm suggesting that you do this right after your morning coffee and for 30 days. My plan is simple, my subject matter is life changing and the Source of my text is infallible. Begin your day with my "Chunky Memory" and plant seeds that will grow faith and understanding that tower over the largest oaks.

Why would anyone homeschool their children? (Part Two) or The Gardener's Children)

Let's talk about how we mass market children loved school as kids. Every morning was a new learning adventure. As that bus came down the street, my heart pounded as I thought about what my teachers had prepared for me that day. Joy filled my heart, especially for the nice person who may let me sit by them on the bus. (I was always the last one on.) Middle school was definitely the highlight of my personal growth and social development in more ways than one. -- If this is all fiction for you as it was for me and you want to give your kids hope of actually feeling that way about learning, then you may be a homeschooler.

How many of you remember loving history as a kid? When I talk to other homeschoolers and ask them what really gets them excited it is often history. You may think (or have thought before you became one of these counter-cultural homeschoolers), "Boring!" However, once you become an actual counter-cultural homeschooler and begin to hang out with others who share your rebellious nature you'll hear something that goes like this; "I hated to memorize all those facts for tests but now, I LOVE history. It's our favorite subject." Consequently, many of the books we use to devour history were written by moms who became addicted to history, were not satisfied with the materials they found, so they wrote a whole curriculum."

Now, there are all types of families with all types of kids. There are mom's who just pick a curriculum package early on, trust it and then do it faithfully every day. There are unschoolers, who completely trust that their children will learn what they need to when they need to. I, sometimes regretfully, just can't seem to be either mom. No, there could be something better, more exciting (easier to manage), and perfectly suited to the uniqueness of my little darlings. My continual search for the "best way" can lead to my most dreaded form of mental illness, "homeschool anxiety". Can the Discovery Channel be science for the day? Am I doing enough or too much?" I say these things because if you question yourself, you can know you are not alone in these thoughts. You have not failed and you are not unusual. The homeschooling life is really journeying with your kids on their way to becoming their best self, the self they were made to be. With time you know your kids, how they learn and what drives them to learn. You can then sit back and enjoy the progress you make together. The moments of anxiety will become less familiar and the freedom of this lifestyle will make its blessings known.

If thoughts like these continue to bother you, let's relax and go out into my garden for a while. As an avid gardener, I've planned about eight perennial gardens in my yard, laying out the plan on paper, measuring out the distances I would place the groupings of odd numbered plants. According to a saying about perennial gardens, the third year is the "WOW" year. Well, it truly was. Neighbors stopped on their walks to walk through my yard. All was lovely. I put a new layer of mulch over it all that year to celebrate it's perfectly planned perfection.

It's year six in my garden now. Did you know there's no saying for year six? For a control freak, years five and six could be "Let's put the grass back! It's out of control!" For those years past three, the real nature of gardening takes over. If you had a vision for your garden and it was based on knowledge of those plants habits and preferences, there is probably still an element of control in the appearance of your beautiful yard. But plants, like children, are not ours to control. Some thrive in the sunlight with very little attention, planting little babies in your path, your yard (and your neighbors yard). There are others which will struggle where you've placed them and seem to disappear as those around them choke them out. Left unnoticed, one of your prize plants may just disappear.

If we don't pay attention to the passions of our children to their gifts and challenges, they too may be crowded out. My point is this, letting go of some control and allowing nature to direct your garden and your children to direct your daily plan is often the first step to the blooming of the flowers that are your children. I've learned that I can't fight the nature of my garden and that I can't force the nature of my children. I do need to teach self-control, perseverance, kindness and self-discipline, but the rest is largely inspiration.

The beauty of the garden is not to fight the unplanned, but to rejoice in it and observe it, noticing or transplanting "volunteers" rather than pulling them out because they aren't in the right place. God put everything that plant needed in a tiny seed. The whole blueprint is in it from the beginning. God also formed your child and said, "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." When we trust that the interests our children have are not mistakes, complications to the "schedule", then they are free to embrace learning in its most powerful form, that guided by passion and interest. Neighbors still come to look at my garden, but I no longer make excuses for the weeds that may be there, but aside from the flowers, they comment on what wonderful kids I have.

Just as I have discovered many truths as I've grown with my garden, I know that as a parent, I don't have all the answers and cannot "teach" them all I know (.. or don't know). Whether you have college degrees or a high school diploma, each day a further opportunity to admit what we don't yet know. Most Americans think they were "educated" through the schooling process marked by some date in time and piece of sheepskin (if they are so blessed). However, the more we grow, the less we realize we know! We learn best when we let go of common thought and challenge ourselves to be free. We hear a lot about freedom, "Those in Christ are free indeed". America is the "land of the free." Homeschoolers are in the best position to fully accept the possibilities of this freedom.

Here you will realize the truth of Mark Twain's quote that "Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned." I apply this to what we generally think of as education, force feeding an agreed upon set of facts to children in a set number of years in an order that will give them the greatest chance at "success" in life. We are surrounded daily by those who struggle with the educational system, trying to work with it, in spite of it, as their children's lives pass before them. Search for favorable quotes on the blessings of mass education and you will be hard pressed to find many by those who stand out in history as admired thinkers and leaders. One of the more unoffensive (toward teachers and public institutions) was by Elbert Hubbard, American author, editor and printer who said, "The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without a teacher." This image is complimented by William B. Yeats (poet) in his statement that "Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire." When you know what lights the fire in your child, and give him your blessing to be who he is, you will have unlearned successfully all that we thought we knew about education.

Why would anyone homeschool their children? (Part One)

Remember when you told people you wanted to homeschool your children? Maybe it was just yesterday, perhaps 20 years ago, or you may still be considering this radical, counter cultural way to raise children. Of course the first people you tell are often those whose kids are all in school, or they are teachers with "credentials and qualifications" in their area of specialty (which is usually teaching all subjects to many types of kids). When you do tell them, you will usually face at least one of these questions from at least one of these people:

"You're going to do WHAT?"

"Do you have a teaching degree?"

"How do you know what to teach them?"

"How can you properly 'socialize' them?" (I couldn't resist throwing that little bit of insanity in.)

Have you ever wanted or dared to turn the table on them and ask some of these questions:

"What's the vision you have for each individual child you'll have in your class next year? You do have a vision for their lives don't you? I'm sure it takes into account the uniqueness of their gifts and personalities, right?"

"How do you keep them from being 'socialized' while in your institution?"

"How do you assure that the teachers who get them next year understand what you've learned about them this year? How many new teachers will they have anyway?"

"My child isn't interested in anything but airplanes. Do you think you could build a curriculum around that? If you did, I'm sure he would soak up every subject that it touched on."

Now, let's have a reality check. This is not how 99% of schools work. Yes, I made up that statistic, so write me if you have a list that adds up to more than 1% of the schools in America. On a tough day, I may read that list and dream of shipping them to one of those. But really, every year, I answer these questions, ask myself how my kids are turning out, sigh over the days I felt I just couldn't go on and smile about the days my kids did something that amazed me in spite of myself. I remember that my kids are MY kids. Outside of God, no one cares more that they find their passion and gifts early than I do (no offense to dads, but they don't always take this whole endeavor as personally as we mom's do).

When I began homeschooling, I had so much cultural "unlearning" to do. I knew a few homeschoolers who'd inspired me over the years to try this unique and unpopular way of life. But, they were not in my town. As I combed books I finally found a book that completely change my way of understanding mass education, John Taylor Gatto's "Underground History of American Education" (http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/underground/). You can read the entire book online, for free and it's full of facts, falacies about institutionalized education and raw experience that kept me up until the we hours of the morning glaring at the computer screen. Mr. Gatto was a public school teacher of 30 years who wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal entitled, "I Quit, I Think," following which, he resigned.

When people ask me what it's like to homeschool, there are many answers people will give, because there are many ways of doing it. Some people give blissful answers about the joy of togetherness, some look bewildered and wonder how to explain a whole different way of life in 100 words or less, but one of my new answers is, "It's the best parental improvement program around." You will (are forced to) gain patience, wisdom, and suffer injustice (or get a baby sitter once in a while). You may plan great ideas only to be persecuted in the morning (kids don't always know what's best for them). You'll certainly have to do an insane amount of talking and, after a challenging day, you may need to retreat to your room with a snack to reinforce your "vision" with favorite homeschooling author to redirect you passion for your job. But alas, when all seems lost (usually once a month), there are those miracles that bewilder even the most distraught mother. On one of my worst days (once a month), after I'd lost my cool and said things I regretted, my oldest son (age 10) came over to give me a hug, rubbed my arm and said, "You're the best mom in the whole world." I replied shamefully, negatively and tearfully, "Why do you say that?" He smiled, "Because it's true!" -- I do love getting to know my kids and surviving (oops) thriving with them daily.