Feeling a Bit Claustrophobic? The Winter Blues Are Not Terminal

It’s mid-winter again. Outside it’s gray, overcast, snowy and icy. The beauty of winter’s icy sparkle may now seem muted as feelings of isolation and boredom set in. The thrill of sledding has worn off and kids who, weeks ago, slid eagerly like penguins in the snow, need to be prodded to go out to get some fresh air. Longing for the warmth of the summer sun and the vitamin D it provides, some people fall prey to depression. When mid-winter chills our zeal, we become more aware of the need for people and connection. In the fall, academics command our energy and zeal, but with winter, fellowship, group activities and idea sharing can shine light on bleak days. 

After the holiday season, a personal mission of mine is to recapture a sense of organization and do some revisionary work on our schedule. A new year means new beginnings. If you’ve let the order in your home slide through the fall, a week or two of cleaning and purging can shine light where piles previously persecuted you. Have the kids been helping enough? If not, revive hope by establishing a system with clear expectations and set consequences. A card file system works well for us. Take a fresh and prayerful look at what’s necessary, or lacking, in your academic schedule. Is there excess baggage or neglected areas in your learning day? Perhaps some re-purposing is in order there too.  What do you really want to accomplish that you are not? Analyze progress in character and academics then create hope with a plan to implement change.

Fresh ideas can be like sunshine in the depth of winter. Get out a bowl and give those kids some squares of paper. Send them hunting for ideas. Is there a place or thing they’d love to know more about? Encyclopedias are full of unexplored topics. For a change of pace, a biography can serve as literature, narration and writing, history and geography. The internet is full of resources that can take you across the world to places, or to other teachers with ideas to share. Find a way to accomplish your goals that may be more fun that what you’re doing now. Whatever you choose, pick something that the whole bunch will find something of interest in. 

After the cleaning and re-organizing is done, what next? There is no substitute for the fellowship of others.  A few years ago we felt the darkness of winter isolation shading our enthusiasm. Is there a place you can schedule a weekly, or bi-weekly outing?  Our church had a gym and fellowship hall that wasn’t used during the day. I reserved the space and advertised a day for homeschoolers to come for free play in the gym, board games and mom-time.  It is now a popular place for regular friends to meet and new homeschoolers to connect, share ideas and find direction.  It was easy and rewarding. 

Friendship doesn’t have to involve something large or labor intensive, but finding others who are like minded to support you can change your homeschooling worldview.  No matter how you feel, someone else has been there and can take your hand through the struggle. Online groups are helpful if you need a quick answer to a question, but keep looking locally until you find a group of families with similar age kids to share life with. The homeschool community is a wonderful blessing, but you won’t find it sitting inside your house waiting for it to show up. Find a large co-op and advertise a club or group that would interest your own children. Blessings await you when you do. Securing friendship for yourself and your kids alleviates the agony of loneliness. It is in giving that we receive the most. If you have a talent to share or a skill, offer a class in that.  Swapping our talents is a fun way to give what we do well and receive what we don’t. 

While reading the last four paragraphs, it is likely that winter has remained. Go do a snow check if you must. We still have 12 inches on the ground here in Indiana. My writing students would see getting to the last paragraph as the light at the end of the tunnel.  In life, we often must find the light ourselves, taking steps in a direction we haven’t gone before.  God multiplies the gifts we give; it is likely that a solution you create will be a solution for someone else at the same time. The choice to homeschool brings enduring rewards, but as we stand on the mountain of the present, low-lying clouds can block our view. Endure friend. The sun will shine again! 

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

   -Robert Frost, “The Road Not Taken”

Abundant Life Homeschooling: Part 2 - Conquering Your Fears

Now that we've talked about some spiritual reasons why you may consider homeschooling, it is important to get over the big hurdle, your fears.  When God calls you to do something, he also promises to equip you to do it!  "But you don't know MY kids,"  you say.  What if I told you that your kids would change.  When we send our kids to school they are absorbing information for eight to nine hours a day from sources other than their family and their God.  In that time, they are not just learning academics, they are learning behavioral patterns.  No, I do not know YOUR kids, but I do know these things about kids:

• Kids are tired after a long day of traditional school, and they have had very little free time while they are there.  
• Tired minds don't retain the information that would be better presented and completed while they have plenty of mental energy.
• They value of homework is minimal in real learning.
• That they now do or will soon love to learn.
• Freedom and love change the personality of a child.  
• Socialization in a same grade school environment is not as beneficial as socialization between students of mixed ages and adults.
• Your kids will like you, respect you, obey you, and admire you as they see you sacrifice and live together.  
• You will win back your authority as you teach Biblical wisdom throughout your day. If they can't learn to submit to you, how will they learn to submit to God as their master?
• They won't miss being evaluated by their peers, peer pressure, being bullied or criticized by other kids,  and a lack of recess.  
• Their vocabulary, integrity and logical reasoning will improve as they spend more time with adults than kids their own age. 
• God made all kids uniquely perfect and intentionally, they don't all learn alike, and they definitely aren't motivated by the same things.  They just endure and do their best to fit into a pattern that is created to the mass, not the individual.  Labels are applied too young and are dangerous to a child's self-image.
• The labels schools apply are almost always artificial.  Bring them home and see what happens. Many kids who are learning disabled in school suddenly "become" gifted when they are home schooled.
• Kids learn differently and mature at different ages.  Reading readiness is not always there when the schools want to teach it.   
• Boys don't sit still well. This is not a defect. 
• Pressuring kids to learn does not increase their real intelligence.  More is not better.
• They will be free to answer every question or pose questions at home that may intimidate them in school.  
• Mastery is better than moving on.  Classrooms cannot cater to individual readiness easily.
• Their siblings become their best friends and accountability partners when you homeschool.
• Homeschooled kids avoid many of the behavioral problems found in traditionally schooled children.  They make great friends because they are accepting of others' differences and find it easier to see people as God would see them, as special and unique.  There is little or no peer pressure to ridicule others.
• Kids are confused by an environment that teaches different truths and values than you teach them at home.  For example, at home God created them; in school they evolved from a monkey. At home our behavior is motivated by Godly wisdom.  In our PS system, humanist values are taught with no truth behind it. This makes good behavior a matter of personal opinion. 
• The teenage years are seldom a problem in a homeschooling family.  Young adults can take on young adult responsibilities at an earlier age and they no longer rebel out of a lack of purpose or to assert their individuality.

I know that's a lot to digest, but I hope it gives you encouragement and hope.  Homeschooling is not torture, it's improved family living in an environment of freedom.   There is a lot of support available from other families, groups and the internet.  Socialization becomes positive socialization when the kids are with you and in the real world, so you really lose a lot of the struggles you now face simply by removing your kids from an environment with out of balance, age segregated, peer interaction. 

Now, about you.  You will have to give up some freedoms, but you will GAIN many more!  Yes, it is a commitment.  There may be hard days as you figure out what is best for your child, but your perseverance when they are young means that when you have teenagers they will be a joy, not a nightmare. As your children grow in responsibility and training, you will regain more freedom and have more freedom than you would helping in the school and re-learning their homework in order to help them after school. You will be there to guide and God will guide you all.  A Godly mom grows Godly children.  Your husband, who may begin with the same fear, will enjoy having respectful, bright, joyful kids and after watching them grow and thrive, will soon be an advocate of homeschooling if he isn't now.

Where would you start? You may begin with what is called de-schooling; we give kids back their lives, their minds and their love of learning.  Don't jump into re-creating a school environment at home.  Work on the basics, math, handwriting, and maybe grammar with a lot of Bible mixed in.   Your main job outside of that is to inspire and watch how their own interests lead their learning.   Much of what schools do is busywork to keep kids occupied and manageable in a group setting.  Reading aloud is a great way to build discussion, shape values, and build vocabulary skills. Best of all, you do it together; you pick the books. They don't have to be grade "appropriate" material, and they can be read in the park, on the patio, on a blanket, or in front of a fire in the afternoon on a rainy day.  God will shape you through this process and you'll learn about yourself, your kids, and your Creator. 

School is the advertising agency which makes you believe that you need the society as it is.
~ Ivan Illich, Deschooling Society

Here is a sampling of helpful resources available to get you started:

Abundant Life Homeschooling: Part 1 - Why Consider Homeschooling?

There have been many days as a homeschooling mom where I've felt physically drained and emotionally spent.  I can’t even count how many times I’ve mentioned that I homeschool and heard,  "I just know I could never home school!” I confess that my children have learned a lot but that I have probably learned the most in my five year journey discipling my children.  It is the most effective method of parental refinement I know - in a good way.  There are rewards that can be found no where else but in learning together as a family.

If you have begun the homeschooling journey, fear of failure is NOT a sign that you should start looking for schools. I've felt the same anxiety!  As you read more in this series, you'll see that homeschooling does not have to be a torturous assignment for you or your children every day.  Did you know that God goes before you?  He prepares the way and shares his vision and insights with us.  So, what is YOUR homework?  Your largest and most time consuming task is not choosing the right curriculum, or making sure you meet the state standards or prepare for yearly testing.  No, the key to abundant life homeschooling is spending more time getting to know God intimately and learning to listen to the Spirit who guides you.  When God promised to work all things for the good for those who love him and are called according to HIS purpose, he is FAITHful in providing that.  Don't take my word for it, just start doing it and see what happens.  This is the key to finding joy, restoring joy and living joyfully.  This may not be the world's way of raising children, but note what the Bible says about the world's way:

Romans 12:2 says "Do not conform any longer to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." 

Did you know that all forms of education have an agenda?  I have an agenda for my kids, but I prefer to call it a vision.  Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law." Chew on that a bit.... As Christians, the single most important thing we are commanded by God to instill in our children is intimate knowledge of their creator and follow the vision he provides as we live our lives.  If we don't have a vision for our children, how can we expect to know where to aim?

Public education as it exists today (and as it was designed) is motivated by corporate necessity, a need for societal order, a place to provide the poor with basic skills, and to create like mindedness in society.  This is their vision. (Click here for my source and a great online read documenting this.)  Do you trust your children's hearts to a system that truly has a goal of instilling values apart from God's values, not to mention the distortion and selective coverage of history and God's hand in it?  We believe we're sending them to school to learn reading, math and basic skills.  Are you aware that political and social activism have taken the place of Christianity in the schools? Your values have been replaced, questioned, and filtered through the eyes of many others. Check out this recent example.

What about morality? Consider the best a public school can do to teach morality.  They can explain what "good behavior" is, but teaching morals apart from God's word is like brushing your teach every day but not being able to teach WHY you do it.  Habits and behaviors with no reason behind them are insulting to children.  There ARE reasons for morality.   Character does matter. If we want to instill integrity and deep seated faith in our children, then we must show, by our decisions, that we ourselves are going to take a stand in when it comes to 2 Cor. 10:5...

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Demolishing arguments contrary to God's word doesn't mean tolerating it as a necessary evil of education! Fear not, when we are obedient to a call, God showers great blessings upon us! 

Scrapping the Daily List Today

"Seek first the kingdom of God and ALL these things will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

I’ve come to learn, but not always trust, that if we seek God first in our lives and, specifically, in our day our experience will be better than when we plan our day on our own. Why? Our attitudes change. Our minds are open to His purpose for us. Everything we do reflects the bigger goal and we learn to be who HE has planned for us to be. Ephessians 2:10 says that we were created as God’s workmanship and that He already has things planned for us to do. What do we need to learn to do those things? One gift we have as homeschoolers is the flexibility to allow our kids to follow life according to their passions. Ultimately, our passions motivate us more than any person can.

There are days I trust this and there are days that, although I know this, I panic a bit. I may compare my children’s handwriting to those of their peers and judge them, as if this were the measure God would use to judge their success. The truth is, that to force handwriting when a child is running in another direction is counter-productive to the learning that COULD be achieved if you watched God work and did what he commanded you to do.

I'll show you an example of how a day went that didn't include my forcing my children in a direction against their interests. I did have a list, a neat list of well rounded activities for an entire week for each kid. On it was our study of creation, history, science, Latin, handwriting, math, piano, reading, you get the picture. Here’s how the day really went....

Breakfast... Pancakes. We talked about conserving and rationing as we shared the last 1/4 cup of syrup between us. With our pancakes we listened to one of my favorite hymns of all time on YouTube, “When I Survey the Wonderful Cross”. Next, we grabbed the postcard of the books of the Bible we’re working on memorizing. I’m a bit of an evangelist, so I gave them a pep talk on the importance of knowing what God’s word says, focusing on how science and the world CAN work together with God's word to bring people TO faith and not away from it. After explaining their responsibilities as Christians to lead the world and not follow it’s ways, they ran off and saying they wanted to read their Bible all day.

So, rather than lose them upstairs I got out a selection of new Bible study books for them to pick. They wanted to talk more about evolution vs. creation, so they picked a Kay Arthur for Kids study of Genesis 1-2. In this, I got a discussion in about reading comprehesion (who, what, where, why and when), writing a good title, drawing a picture describing what they understood about the lesson and then we read Genesis 1-2, taking turns reading aloud. It’s now 9:30, we started breakfast at 8:00.

My 10-year-old son is a very passion driven child. I had a choice.. I could stifle his now flaming interest in studying this more by getting math out or ask him where he wanted to go with it. He said he was going to write a paper disproving evolution. (Ambitious I thought, and in faith continued to encourage him.) I know I can learn more when I'm passionate about something, so, therefore, would he. We scrapped the list.

He went to the bookshelf and grabbed books to support his work. I looked at his selections and sat him down to talk about what a hypothesis is, since he was jumping into a large field of study. His eager brain needed a bit of focus and he actually saw it my way! This also led to a discussion of a source list and the importance of multiple sources in a debate. We talked about how debates work and how, if he wants to use this information to lead others to his side he needs to make sure all things point back to the hypothesis.

Now, imagine the difference between a conversation with an interested (even driven) child and one who is being “assigned” something and knows he must do it. Today I was blessed to work with a driven child. His "ADHD" like mind was fully engaged. He continued researching for three hours, listening to guidance as if he knew it would make a difference. For you homeschool moms who have tried to force learning, as I have on occasion, this can truly be a Kleenex moment! (Please note: I am not a believer in labeling kids with ADHD, but use this adjective because it seems to be connected with this driven, passionate personality type and many would medicate my child.)

Meanwhile, I forgot about the 8 year old. I track him down and he’s been reading the Bible aloud to his rabbits and is not ready to stop yet. When he drifts upstairs we get out “Night of the Moonjellies” and enjoy a good story together. We do have a 3-year-old, but at story time he is too busy listening to the Star Wars soundtrack and having adventures with a little one inch Lego man. He takes off.

I made some bread for dinner and put chicken soup ingredients in the crock pot. We had a little lunch and after that watched a video on the forces of water. This is also not on the list, but part of creation. A friend called and invited the kids over. There they spent the afternoon drawing a map of Europe and other imaginary countries. At home, the drawing continued into the evening as I read the last few chapters of “Trial by Poison”, a biographical adventure about Mary Slessor, missionary to the area which is now Nigeria.

I am writing this, because these are my favorite days. Sadly, it wasn't always like this. There have been days I have fallen prey to the incredible societal pressure to do things according to some systematic educational model. I write this to encourage you and myself. God knows what your children need to learn. Seek him first and he will direct your path. There are days I will need to reread this when I feel defeated, when I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish “educating” my children for many more years. Those are the days I've talked to some parents who are worrying about choosing the right curriculum or read an article on getting kids to sit and follow your plan. We must all remember that God knows what they need to know and while intelligent plans can make for good order, sometimes you just need to scrap the plan and open your mind to a way that accomplishes more!

The Fly on the Wall Saw...

Sep. 19, 2008 - A fly on the wall saw... (9/19/08)
Someone recently asked me if they could be a fly on my wall and view what goes on in our house every day. So, here's one relatively typical, non-typical day. I say that because many things can change how one day goes. This was a relatively average day. So, in a house with 3 boys, ages 10, 7 and 3, this was a typical day, in OUR house on ONE Friday, that will not be like any other Friday, because we're seldom that typical. Additionally, it's NOT typical for me to even be on this site in the a.m., but I'm feeling ambitious and my hormones are in good shape today.
Report from the fly on the wall 9/19/08 Friday (o.k. most of it's written in the first person because I'm just not that creative when squeezing things in):

6:45 a.m. Mom gets up. Dad heads to work and I head downstairs to make coffee and survey the Quicken and bill situation before the kids are up. I get 1.5 cups off coffee in and two pieces of toast with my favorite strawberry-rhubarb jam to top them off (made it myself). I update my blog site on homeschoolblogger.com so all can see that a week long road trip with your kids and no dad can be a fun adventure where everyone comes back alive. I send off an email about a writing center that I read about on our church e-news to the homeschool group communication site.

8:15 a.m. I go upstairs to tell the older boys to be quiet because the 3 year old is still sleeping. No one wants THAT to be disturbed.

8:30 a.m. Two messy haired children in bathrobes come down to raid the pantry. They are now blowing bubbles in their bowls, because bowls with straws built in seemed to be a good investment for $1. I will now be reminding them that by 9:00 we'll have to get work started. Their work list was printed out at the end of the day yesterday so they can start on their own while I get Jack fed and take a shower. Ben and Jon do rabbit chores first and clean up their clothes in their room.

9:30 a.m. I've showered and Jack is dressed, armed with his first bin of toys for the day and the Super Readers on PBS, I can check on the other ones. The two older ones have decided to do their 45 minutes of reading first today and want a reading log so they can get their "Book It" points so they can get a free buffet lunch one Friday at Pizza Hut. I'm dressed in my painting clothes in case I get to paint the guest room today, wallpaper would be so much easier. I am tempted. I also hope to squeeze in sewing two curtains to go under the kids loft beds for their secret areas today. We got the material at Hobby Lobby while they took turns having art classes on "The Elements of Design" there yesterday. I just read a message from a mom from NM who is in the middle of a road trip to Baltimore with her kids; she's read my morning blog post and is thankful for some encouragement. Isn't technology great! I yell at the boys to stop talking during their reading time and move to the kitchen for post-breakfast disaster repair.

9:50-10:08 a.m. Jonathan comes down for help filling out his reading log. I suggest we read together and we grab "The Jesus Encyclopedia". We read from Luke about the cost of following Jesus, what he said to his disciples about leaving family to follow him and talked about how he may feel the call to do something for God someday. I encouraged him about our support of him if he felt led to do something he felt was supposed to do, or somewhere he needed to go and serve. (Ben is still reading in his room.) I check on him. He is reading a book called "We came from Japan". He's very interested in all things WWII and, of course, Pearl Harbor involved the Japanese, so he must read about them too. (Honestly, I almost donated that book last month, thinking they'd never pick it up.) I have moved all the books I've wanted them to read to their rooms. They will read anything as long as they can sit in their loft beds. I decide to continue to let him read, knowing that the well planned list I've printed for the day including his Latin, Math, Zoology and writing may have to be altered AGAIN. It is hard to make plans and often change them in order to encourage your kids to follow their interests and learning bent, but when a kid is excited about reading about Japanese immigrants, and looks sad when he has to stop reading about it, I don't think I'm helping him by choosing all that he should learn that day. It is best to learn when you are motivated and interested in something, not when it meets the schedule.
Jon is eating peanuts and copying his Bible verse for handwriting practice.

10:15 a.m. I take a few minutes to play cars with Jack and get out "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons", he seems ready to start with this. He's rather do cars and watch Sesame Street right now so I get Jon to help him with his math. He's adding 3 digit and 2 digit numbers. We do one on the white board. He says he doesn't need my help anymore. I went through my old files and found an Artpac I bought a long time ago which is a pre-school art program. I give Jack the first page and show him how to color a solid shape.

11:00 - 11:10 a.m. The big boys are doing math, slowly, while I start 100 Easy Lessons with Jack. We work on forming the sounds of the letters m and s and saying words slowly then fast, to prepare him for this reading method. I go up to get the sewing machine out and start the loft curtains.

11:10 - 11:45 a.m. I go back downstairs to do some motivating. Ben is redoing yesterdays work and it is much neater and more accurate. He seems to get it. I take 5 problems off so he can get to his Latin video. I sit down and do Jon's math with him, working on correcting the slant of his paper and his hand position. While they finish, I put last nights soup on the stove to reheat.

11:45-12:00 p.m. Mom's friend calls from her car phone who's recently had a mastectomy. She updates me on her treatment and tells me she's been reading Galatians 3 from "The Message" She tells me it talks about not going anywhere without your garment of love on. I could sure use some reenforcement in that area, so I add Galatians 3 from The Message to my to-do list for today. Meanwhile, Jack whines in the background and refuses to eat the stew from last night. I stop to force some food in him.

12:00-12:40 p.m. Ben finally gets to his Latin video. I have to stop him and have him fill out his vocabulary cards first so he's prepared for the lesson. Jonathan picks piano practice to do next. He has trouble and seems to have a little fever, so, because he can't seem to get it, I tell him to quit for now before he gets discouraged and turns against piano. He's off to do his phonics course.
I tell kids to get their current subject finished so we can go on a bike ride.
My dad calls to say he got the pictures from our trip we mailed him.
I yell downstairs to the big ones to stop banging on their desk and finish their subject before they can get ready while Jack talks to Nana and Papa on the speaker phone.

12:40 The big ones go on a bike ride an then decide they are going to try to learn to use the double jump rope we just got. Yikes! It must be challenging to be a boy. I told them I'd come back when they'd practiced more twirling. It's nice outside. Jack pretends to mow the lawn. I come back in to clean up the lunch dishes.

1:15 The kids come back in to finish their work because they want to play Wii. I clean the gunk out of the bird feeder and refill it, the go see what Jack's doing. Pre-weekend cleaning is up next, as well as getting the ribs in the oven for dinner.

1:50 Checked on Ben. He wanted to do less of his Latin. I said he could do 3 sections today if he did his vocab cards. He's done them but not neatly. He will have to redo them on Monday so they are in the same format as the other cards. He finishes the workbook and moves on to piano. Meanwhile Jon's not sure if he's sick and wants me to take his temp. I told him no. He'd know if he was sick, because he wouldn't feel good. Jack is on the patio screaming about something. Jon eventually goes out to stop him from turning the hose on. He's mad because his water table isn't full to the top. I'm getting a little tired and decide that we'd all be better off if Jack had an hour of rest time. We pray he'll fall asleep and I'll get myself together. It would be a good time to get out that Galations verse before going on to cleaning. I'll make the boys sit on on the reading. That will keep them quiet and redirect them as they get tired too. We're almost done for the day!

2:00 The boys clean up all their school stuff, file their things and wait for me to find the verses Janet was talking about in Galatians. They don't seem to match up to me, but I decide that if she said Galations, there must be something for me there, so that's were I read about the freedom we have in Christ. We read Galations 5 about how we live free in Christ. We can be like the butterflies and follow God's direction by the Spirit.

2:40 Dad comes home sick from work. I put two slabs of spare ribs in the oven and one in the freezer. A load of laundry goes up. I pick up the house and vacuum the downstairs. Dad decides to take the boys to Dick's Sporting Goods. They've been awaiting the reward of a bb gun and a bow and arrow for their bravery in trying out for the children's choir in Joseph and the Amazing Tech. Dreamcoat. I can barely believe it, but the teacher leading the children thinks they could benefit the show. I say that not because I'm negative, but because they have no history of talent in singing or dancing. Jon is springing a new "hammy" personality and I think I heard him sing a clear pleasant note. We were proud.

- 4:16 The boys are back and Dad is helping them learn how to use the bow. Jack was upset because he didn't have one, but now has a "real" water pistol and is pleased with himself. I'm making bbq sauce for the spare ribs and looking for side dishes.
Dinner time and then family time this evening. We have a sitter tomorrow night and are going to dinner and the theater, so tonight we'll stay home. Evening will be pretty normal for us; food, relax outside on the patio a while, rabbit chores again, and whatever else comes our way.
Was this a good day? Yes. We learned and behaved (Mom included). The weather was great and we got outside to enjoy it. We didn't have to to anywhere, yeah! Did I get my painting done? No. Are the curtains sewn? No. Is the half bath clean? No, and no laundry was put away. (I might have gotten that done if I wasn't recording this!) Well, that's what Saturdays are for. When people ask me, "How many hours do you do of school a day?" It's hard to reply, since it's just mixed in with the happenings of our house.