"Is your math finished?"
"Yes, Mom."
"Has your room been cleaned up?"
"Yes, Dad."
"How was your day?"
"Good."
Once in a while, you might want to have an actual brain-interfacing, life-connecting, probing conversation with your child. If that dear child attends school out of your home, you probably face a weary person at the end of the day who just wants to be in control of their time when they get home. All the way home they were probably thinking, "Wow! I can't wait to sit down and have a deep conversation with my Mom or Dad about my character and academic development." Fear not, a listening parent can find opportunities to work in great conversation. Sadly, those moments may not be as often as you desire and for some kids and parents, rare.
The blessing is that we, as homeschoolers, have a little more room to take advantage of these opportunities since we can spend more time interacting with our children. You have the opportunity to initiate fascinating conversations on any subject under the sun -- and you have ALL DAY to do it! The conversation above is still a part of the daily accountability lesson and uses some of our valuable energy, but keep the blessings in mind as all the talking and reading sends you to the secret stash of chocolate chips in the pantry. Let's face it, everyday life is distracting, busy and tiring. It often keeps us from slowing down, listening and parenting with purpose -- in an intentional way.
If you are a homeschooler your kids may be facing a very weary mom at the end of the day. If you don't have great confidence in the plan you've chosen for the year or the day wasn't filled with all the inspiration you'd expected the night before, you may also feel a bit hopeless at the end of the day and perhaps defeated. This has certainly happened to me, but prayer and vision for my kids has put new light on our direction as a family and for me as a leader. I say leader, not just because I'm still the tallest one home all day, but because I have the potential to make change and direct with wisdom, love and of course, complete control at ALL times (don't be defeated at that bit of sarcasm).
To keep myself on a confident path, once each year I spend one to two months revisiting the way I'm leading my kids. It takes that long (or longer). I really believe that only through observing your children, reflecting, praying and waiting can I know how to go on with their education and mentoring. If you haven't found a way to work through your visionary roadblocks, you may want to get out your planner and dedicate some time (alone time is ultimate of course) to a visionary beginning. It can be a few minutes in prayer each night, or a weekend away at a quiet inn. Telling your husband that you need a visionary weekend to assess the success of your efforts and plan for your children's lives is always a good way to get that needed alone time! How could anyone say no to that? When I've found my quiet place, I write down and pray about are:
- How has each child changed or grown over the past year?
- What are their strengths and weaknesses in their academic life?
- What are their spiritual strengths and weaknesses?
- What gifts do I see emerging?
- What is their attitude toward learning, toward faith and life as a whole?
- What have we done that has encouraged them in any area?
What did we let "fall of the map" and are their consequences associated with that?
This is your chance to know that your choices were made for a reason. When chaos strikes, you can "refer to your notes" with confidence that at one time, on one day, you really did seek the Master's plan for how you are living this day, today. I spend time praying for insight about my children, about what the Master has created them for. I pray He would show me what their lives might look like if they used their unique gifts to His full advantage. The Bible says that "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This tells us that we are created in Christ, he is a full part of who we are now. Your child is not only your child, but Christ living inside your child. How do you lead that? It is a humbling experience. Fortunately, God gives us some tools to communicate with him on how this can be done. We have the Bible to give us great guidelines, but also our senses and prayer to personalize our parenting for each child.
A proverb says "Train up a child in the way that he should go," but there is more to that than teaching them the 10 Commandments, right from wrong and even who their Savior is. It requires probing their heart, entering their mind and exploring their passions! God gave them those things. He is the master with the artists brush! He "equipped them for every good work" and according to Paul's letter to the Ephesians, God prepared us in advance for those works. What your children need to be God's best is already inside of them.
What is "God's best" for your child? That can be an overwhelming task to figure out. Do we want them to be the best in math? -- It wouldn't hurt. Do we want them to be spelling masters? -- My husband has been highly successful without that skill. Perhaps you want your child to be in ministry. Notice a common thread here? "Do we want...." Sometimes we rely on too much human wisdom and knowledge in the choices we make for our children. Have you ever read a great book, but felt left out of certain details that just leave you wondering? The author is only source for those answers. As humans, the author of our being, of each purposefully created soul, is the only one with the answers for the guidance you seek.
So, after the list has been made and the praying has been done, the listening begins. Facing our jobs in an honest way is what makes all great leaders. As parents, we hold the future in our hands and daily wipe the melted chocolate chips, jelly and peanut butter off of "it". With a listening spirit and an intuitive heart you can effectively change the direction of the life of your child. You are now ready to made decisions for your child and can:
Choose a school or curriculum that fits their unique being.
Encourage and provide opportunities for them in their areas of giftedness and passion.
Help them understand their weaknesses and how to work around them.
Provide the level of structure necessary for them to work efficiently to their maximum potential.
The great benefit of parenting this way is that you will find more peace and confidence in your decisions. You will find you are less swayed by the opinions of others because that "page of wisdom" shows you who your child is and is becoming.
A few books that have had an influence in growing my understanding and passion for parenting in this manner have been:
Revolutionary Parenting by George Barna
The Treasure Inside Your Child by Pamela Farrell
A Biblical Home Education by Ruth Beechik
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