Grief knows no season. Our church offers a “Service of Peace” each year. It’s a quiet time in the middle of the “joyful” Christmas season, where those who may be grieving, lonely, under strain, or just blue, can come to be be encouraged, share communion and sometimes tears together. I am sharing this talk I gave because it may help others whose pain may overwhelm them at this time of year.
Our Christmas season 7 years ago was peaceful. Not the kind of peace you casually send on a Christmas Card, but rather the kind that is there when God is the only one who matters, when he is the eye in the middle of the storm. We were expecting our third child. Our son Ben, was 2 1/2 and our second son, Jonathan, just celebrated his 1st birthday.
Although Jonathan got presents, as other kids did, he also got Neuroblastoma, a rare form of childhood cancer. God always had his hand on Jon. We were thankful that when Christmas approached, Jonathan was recovering from surgery.
Our challenges were just beginning. After telling our doctor what the strange “thing” on Jonathan’s adrenal had turned out to be, he ordered another ultrasound for the new baby. On December 21 we learned that the little girl we were expecting had a diaphragmatic hernia and a slim chance of living. Her little organs were not giving her lungs enough room to grow. We celebrated that year with our unborn daughter, with God and in the quiet, because it was the only Christmas we might have with her.
Jonathan is here today. The “miracle baby” the doctors called him, but our daughter, Elizabeth Joy, didn’t stay here long. Seventeen days after her birthday, the life support machines, the surgery to give her lungs room and all the “miracles” of medicine were not working. We were finally allowed to hold her, because there was not hope. Our beautiful baby girl became lifeless in my arms. A body with no soul. I understood the fact that she was God’s and not mine, and I was understanding that I was God’s and not mine.
God carried us through that year. The next January, we were expecting our fourth child. Still recovering from Elizabeth’s death and her first birthday nearing. The trauma continued, in April, our ultrasound revealed a lifeless body. I came near death, hemorrhaging while delivering a little boy that we already knew was gone.
Through life, there may not be one defining moment. Life is a walk with God. In a world where sin, sickness and death still torment us. How can we find peace? What is it?
It begins with obedience and is found in letting go... denying yourself.. as Paul said.
Denying ourself is to deny the things in our lives that are inconsistent with the glory of God and the highest good of others. It is to let go of self. It meant that I could not spend the rest of my life mourning. Denying myself meant to reach out to others in my situation, teaching them how to survive and to walk with God, yet I was also preaching to myself.
Are you wondering what you have done to deserve suffering, or why God allows it if he loves us? I challenge you to let go of those questions and to refocus on the greatness of God, The better question to ask is....what the condition of your relationship with Him?
I do understand your need for questions. There were months when the world was a foreign place to me. I didn’t know what to ask anymore. God seemed silent. For many months, all it seemed I could do in prayer was hold my hand out, reaching for help from God. The enemy was working hard to keep me down. I came to a point when I knew that for the good of my family, I could not stay in this place. I needed to know what God’s will was for me in all this. I found these verses that were so simple, that I adopted them as my map from god. I repeated the following verses daily to myself and shared them with others who were hurting. Only a person in complete grief themselves can tell others drowning in grief these words.
2 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful.... always
Pray continually
Give thanks.... in all circumstances
THIS IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS.
My eyes have continued be opened so has my understanding of peace. I could stand here for days and tell you the miracles I’ve seen God do since then in the lives of others, but mainly in me. Things that would not have happened if I had not discovered how passing life is.
When I prayed for wisdom about what I could share with you tonight, in so little time. I sat in silence, waiting for wisdom. A word came, then another. I wrote them down one by one. Sometimes we question that God has given us clear words, but when I studied each word, I saw God’s hope and peace in them. The show how I have rearranged my life and understanding in this way so that no circumstance will be able to steal my peace.
The first was pre-empting, a strange word, I thought as I looked it up. It meant “To take for ones-self”. To let God replace the hurt and confusion we live in with His wisdom. God wants us to be his, wholly and undividedly, His. It also means reconsideration of who we are. We were created wholly for fellowship with God. He is to be THE priority, not a priority.
I find peace and purpose in knowing why I’m here.
The second word was all-sustaining - The Creator of Life carries us. He “supports us from below”. The Maker of the universe cares about our every need and promises that if we seek Him first, he will provide all.
Peace is born again when I relax in his arms.
Third word, re-generating - The Master reshapes us. With each person we love the volume of our hearts grow. When my child died, it left a gaping hole it seemed nothing could fill. It was the space God was looking for to move in.
We find peace when we invite him to fill that.
The fourth and last word was overflowing - For many, peace comes from knowing. I was on a desperate search to know, why? When I needed to fill the painful holes in my heart. I began to flood myself with the things of God. I read about God, I journaled and I prayed. I am still amazed at what happened. God is so generous. He never stopped giving and I never stop asking.
I pray that in your sadness, grief and questioning that the
Pre-Empting
All-Sustaining
Re-Generating
Overflowing
would be your answer.
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