Attitude Check! Celebrating Kids Who are "Getting It"

There’s Nothing Like Kids with a Good Attitude

This is a post of thankfulness. After a month of entertaining and Christmas celebrating, we are back after the New Year. Reflecting on the past, there have been times in our homeschooling journey when my kids just acted like everything I asked them to do was an injustice to them. “It’s time to do math,” could result in a facial expression on my children that sends me to a place of complete discouragement. I persevered, even when it didn’t seem to work - planting seeds and praying. We read Proverbs on laziness “He who will not work shall not eat.” and “diligent hands will rule but laziness ends in slave labor”. We talked and prayed about honoring God in all we think and do, focusing on what is excellent and praiseworthy... and nothing else! Sometimes it feels like that’s what I’M doing was the slave labor. No, it’s all meaningful, life-changing mission work, this homeschooling daily drama. We’ve been asking God to speak to us in a few moments of silence when we pray. Yesterday I head the words, “lead them gently.” How appropriate, I thought. I normally am a bit of a drill sergeant, so I took that as a revelation of advice.

Well, today I am overflowing with thankfulness, that my children are thankful for their existence in a home that doesn’t involve a bus, where they don’t know that you could get an F, only that if it’s not right, you do it again. They are doing their work cheerfully and without complaining! Yeah! All that time of planning their own days with minimal requirements has led them to appreciate my productive schedule. They are enjoying watching their brains work! Yahoo!!

In all this entertaining and serving, we’ve been talking about usefulness. If they want to be useful and serve God in a useful way, then they have to learn to persevere. Last night my 10-year-old was eager to help with salad prep for a mission dinner at church. After his job was done, I was still working on cookies and bars. The salad looked great, washed, spun and included little carrot shavings, but the floor was covered in lettuce and the counter was still full of mess. Have you ever thought you just couldn’t have another discussion about how to do a job right? I seem to think it daily, but the converse is that you will have to do it yourself FOREVER! One of my visions for homeschooling is that I will be able to send my kids to serve in local or foreign missions and that they will be able to KNOW how to do a job right, so they can be counted on. Of course, this would help them stay employed as well.

Over in Mom-world, I have a new Mac. My HP laptop continued to freeze and I couldn’t connect with the world. Oh NO! In the new year, I’ve abandoned my time consuming computerized homeschool tracking programs. The Mac has a great calendar feature iCal that allows me to overlay each kid’s schedule, and mine at will. I can block time for each activity and link any documents or websites to that day’s appointment. So, if I want to add details of the day I can, but sometimes, less is more. Our books lay out the agenda, why should I track it all too.

Happy New Year to you as I am enjoying the “peace that surpasses all understanding.”

Discipline - What Is It Teaching Our Children? Part 1

After the day I had today, trying to bake ahead for Thanksgiving, fitting in a good amount of schoolwork in the morning and delegating housework in the afternoon, the only topic on my mind tonight is DISCIPLINE.   We all need it, some wonder where it went, some aren’t sure they’ve ever done any, but overall, without it, chaos rules and kids run amok.  

Over the years I’ve been to some great conferences and listened to a lot of speakers on this subject.  I’ve read books from Creative Correction, by Lisa Welchel, to the collection of James Dobson’s books.  Everybody’s got an opinion on this subject.  A meeting of the mom-minds while kids play is another great source of information, just be sure to pick moms whose kids seem to be more disciplined than yours do before you adopt their methods.  Another thing to consider when taking parenting advice, is the faith of the giver.  Some discipline purely from a behavioral standpoint while others have the goal of great character in their vision.  Character is key, but for the Christian child, learning to imitate Christ is the ultimate disciplinary vision.  I’m writing this as I am formulating my own list of consequences (visible on a chart) for my kids.  

These things are not punishments, but grooming techniques.  I’ve heard that the punishment ought to fit the crime, but the “crime” is really a weakness your child is struggling with.  Of course, I could also say it is a weakness I’M struggling with.   Each time the child misbehaves, the cause of the misbehavior should be analyzed before the re-training begins.  Anyway,  in the next few weekss I will be working on a chart (that I will publish) that shows ways to combat heavy problems of discipline and respect with faith and character building techniques.  

Before you read that, think about what discipline is, Jesus had disciples, who followed him, learning from him.  When I looked up the word discipline on Websters it had over 12 variations of meaning, but one was thought provoking, “a branch of knowledge or teaching”.   A follower of a movement or philosophy is a disciple.  So, we are not teaching behavior, we’re teaching kids to evaluate why things are important.  The ultimate goal is for them to know believe that you are teaching them good things for a good reason.   Although you may feel like it at times, you aren’t just the neighborhood nag.  (Today I could really empathize with that.)  No, you are a chief engineer and developer of a future nation of passionate disciples who follow something to somewhere for some reason.  Now, wouldn’t it be wise to know what the something was, where it was going and why you’re doing it?  It’s also a lot easier to stick with a method of discipline if you are convinced of those three things.  I’ve certainly tried discipline methods that I was not convinced were from a source worthy of my time or attention, but desperate parents do those kinds of things.  

I will pre-advise you that my discipline chart will not be just a number of spankings or minutes in the corner for a certain offense.  It will be meant to inspire you (and me) to be the mentor  our children need to know why we behave as Jesus commanded (and mom, when they don’t know enough about that).  Stay tuned.  I am anxious to share my methods of inspiring discipline with you as you learn to seek truth instead of punishment. 

If you have great ideas that have produced great kids, please feel free to email me with them.   There’s nothing like sharing our experiences and learning from one another.  

Blessings, Anne

Crap In, Crap Out: Getting More of God Into Your Family Life

Phillipians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

There are many people who don’t think they need the body of Christ to have faith, but this blog is to share how important it is to knit faith into our everyday conversation and to surround ourselves with people who encourage us to greater levels of understanding about what God expects for us.  Knitting is one of my hobbies.  While showing a friend my latest hat project I was talking to her about why I was using wool and that, even though it is a little itchy, it holds up better and repels more water than cheaper yarns.   We are both visual people so I was telling her about my favorite knitting book, Knitting Rules, by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, It doesn’t dwell on counting stitches, but rather says, “Just hold the hat up to your head and knit until it covers an ear, then change to stockinette stich.”  That’s my paraphrase.  I knit a few stitches on this hat while she browsed through the book and read a phrase aloud, “Crap in, crap out.”  

Later that evening, we were talking about life and ways that we could work talking about our faith into our kids lives.  The verse above, Phillipians 4:8 came up.   If you have taken note of what Jesus says in the Bible, he’s really concerned about how we live our lives, right down to our thoughts and our minds.  What we let into our world, put before our eyes and allow ourselves to hear all make up who we are.   This single passage can change your life if you get that’s it’s really saying just what my knitting book said, “Crap in, crap out.”  If we allow things that are not praiseworthy to fill our time, if we let our kids be influenced by things that don’t fit what is pure, lovely and admirable, what can we expect will come out of them?  

As parents, we wonder why kids make bad decisions.  They are kids! A popular answer, but that isn’t the excuse that fits as they mature and learn to make decisions about their actions.  We all make mistakes, but the skills needed to test and approve what God wants for us is rooted in this passage Paul wrote (Phil. 4:8 again).  

One good example of input we talked about was television.   Have you ever wondered what makes your kid tick?  Sometimes we just don’t know our kids, nor how they think and what appeals to them about what they do.  Pick a show your kids watch that they are smitten with.  Take a half hour to sit down with your child and watch it with them.  While your watching, ask your child questions about what they like about that show.  Why does it appeal to them.  Conversely, interject some things you notice like, “Gee, they sure put a lot of emphasis on what people wear.  It’s too bad they don’t understand that God wants us to value what’s on the inside more than what’s on the outside.”  Get the picture.  Continue this narrative as you watch t.v. together.   Believe it or not, God can work through you and your kids will wake up to the “Crap in” principle.  I know of many kids that ultimately choose to eliminate that show from their list of life activities.  (If after a few times, they don’t, you may cut it out, explain why and then move on to joint analysis of another show, pointing out common themes.)  With the information you’ve gained, you may find a more positive substitutions that encourage their interests.  

I encourage you to print out Phillipians 4:8.  Just click on the verse for a link to Bible Gateway.  Here you can read any version of the Bible at any time!  It’s the antithesis of “Crap in”.  Cut it out and tape it to your television.  In fact, tape verses all over your walls and door frames to remind you of what God wants your life to be like.  Life is an adventure in joyful living when you adopt this motto for your family, “God in, God out.”